Not cryin over spilt blood

It used to be a great laugh, it was thought to be a great partnership. We were made in heaven just like gummy bears when u make me angry. Things change, yes i am very much aware. But do you have to constantly help me fly and then drastically let go? If not to be my lover then atleast remain the companion that helped me fight my demons. Ahh but the sweet saying that I love so well never ceases to captivate me.. Every freakin thing happens for a freakin reason. And I stand by it.. I always will I think.. But remember, one day, I'll be there for you even though you don't see me right infront of you offering you my shelter. I will be the one to save you and right then.. You can't have me.. I'm growing. I'm learnin from every single mistake I've made. And now, I don't need this 'I love you but its too hard right now to be there for you all the time and I have to go through this alone crap'! Muax!

(!?..!?)

All this talk of darkness, never seems to fall. All the shade we hide in, gives us such little time. Nod our heads and close an eye, to things we choose not to believe. Though we drown in what surrounds us, it is merely what we end up having to breathe. The smell of soot, of filthy lies. Of "innocent" lying through our teeth. We wish we may just at a sight, be rid of things that give a fight. Just to give in and fall to our knees; to make this life closer to complete. Seeing no circumstance to throw a fist in through a door. Seeing instead its steady alternate route closer to smelling the raw tiles on the floor. Backing down seems cowardly but sometimes made too big. Somethings just don't make a diff while others create the ultimate change.

Lost in this tranlation one time too many. Back to the same sequence in the same old routine I keep running circles in. Back to square one again, where every rainbow coloured cloud eventually turns a dull dusty grey. Thats not gonna be me again, all I'm seeing is a delicate and subtle bright golden sun, pink and purple clouds and an almost beaming army of green leaves everywhere! haha.. abit too optimistic? owh well! bttr all full up than half full or half empty ey? :D

PS: this means no more nonsense! from me... (**,) riiite... haha..

TaDaa!

Yes, i believe the time is right. I believe i see the world just taking flight. I know where i am and where i sorta wanna be. And right now, amazingly, I am right where that is. I'm all grown up, or atleast i'm gettin there. hehe.. better than nothing rite?? duhh!! I can move on and I can stand still i can do anythin and not have to wonder what anyone else is doing. I can be what I wanna be and all I need to do is prove it to myself! Yes, yes, my friends have told me all this before but it is much easier said than done. And I do believe that this feeling can't be done. It has to be much welcomed with open arms from a whole bunch of overthought issues into a giant pile of burning past. Time to deal with what i have infront of me. Not what is coming and not what has past. Just what is here, what is now, what or shall i say who I AM.

Glitter

I feel like throwing up but somehow I dont think its the food poisoning. I feel like screaming but somehow I feel it isnt cause im growing. I feel the world crashing down right at my feet just waiting for me to pick up the pieces. Its gettin old, its gettin too long and hard. Give me the right songs, give me the right lines. Help me find the right wings to take flight on to soar the great blue sky. Light the way and i will follow, out of my darkness please let me come along. I will snap out of this I know I can. Give me time and lend me a hand. Tomorrow will bring a brand new plan. ;)

-------

Let me let go of this mask i wear, let me replace it with something else. This is losing colour and all vitality, its losing emotion and leaves only one hanging. Wanting all that was in my past to somehow happen again to remind me how to feel. Oh God please tell me what you want of me and help me conquer it. I need a past and a future, I cant live in this hole of despair wondering where to place my steps. Why do I keep on falling, where can I drift away? Let me start breathing, a brand new breed of air.. I know this is what I keep asking but is this all there is to be? Is it always only to be a question? a simple request from me?

illusion

An illusion is a story,a tall tale. It's a bright and shining story that masks a hidden darkness. Words of a wonderful writter that is David Gemmell. A phrase so perfect, so flawless. One that describes who we all have become at one point or other. Circumstances that force us to have to put on that smile when all inside you is screaming and ripped apart. A hidden darkness.. I feel it, tucked within me. Far away inside but I feel it, i feel every morsel of it dying to get out. I won't let it breathe not all at one time though know theres a safe landing. People to help me stay strong. I feel the shadows calling to me sending me messages through my pain, and still I feel the world is so amazing. Still the most beautiful place. Life is great even with shadows of darkness, love surrounds me constantly although sometimes all the love pierces the heart. I keep close to my illusions my little drama act, I stay within my dreams and convince every other actor that I'm doing fine and you know, it doesnt hurt so much. ;)

Scarlet Night

In the darkness burns a scarlet flame upon a candle that never seems to dim. Standing alone. Lost in all the nothingness and yet still able to find its light. A candle that burns forever, a candle that cannot be drowned out by night. All around is fading, everything feels the same. My mended heart keeps pounding and the flame calls out my name. It beats its light toward me and brings me close to its warmth, I feel the flame surround me and my heart and it both beat as one. From its fire falls its wax, black like the night it seemed to be; like all the dark nights that keep haunting me. It drips upon the ground so cold and once again onto my toes. Seeping through my pale skinned bones. Keeping me awake in my silent scream when i feel alone inside my dream. The dream that creeps in as I wake; the waking cold throughout the day. The light that burns and bleeds the night. Forming my shadows that keep out of sight to hide the demons that remain immortal for all time.