Devastation

Ill leave a rose at the stone of where our love lies. Ill weep a little and maybe die slowly inside. Ill talk to the plants that grow wildly by its side. The life of our love waiting to break through the stiffling earth of mistakes past. The death of faith once so strong, loses everything and weakens from the inside. What we had was pure symmetry, laughs and pain balled up in one. What has left us all dried up so quickly. Everything just refuses to hang on. I feel you here inside of me, a little voice inside my heart. Telling me to just keep tryin until there is nothing left. Remind me again of how it is. Assure me again of how its gonna be. Something keeps telling me its all gonna be worth it one day but right now, its all just the most piercing pain. Be back in MY arms, come home to me. Give me your voice and I promise you'll always have all of me.. Rest in peace my love, may the light bring you home..

Always and forever..

You are all I needed, all I wanted. You are the moon, the sun, the rain and the stars that stare so brightly into my eyes. I watched you become who you are, being the one person who believes so greatly in the capabilty to keep moving on. You've been so brave, so strong at heart. I'm so very proud of you and I so wish I could have the chance to tell you that its okay. It will be okay.. It may not be perfect but I'm here, you'll always be here, this will always be here.. Remember that it all has to happen, remember that it's all hard for a reason. Breathe and live everyday, feel the pain and one day you will be able to be thankful that you don't have to feel it. And, as they all say so often, you don't know what you're missing until you don't have it. This is the time to stay strong, this is the time to stand alone. You may grow cold and it may get dark but remember dear that in the end there will be a light. It may not shine as brightly as you'd like but it will be there to save you from the night.. What is lost is never gone, what is treasured will always be borne. Learn what you can while you can learn it and leave a legacy right along with it. Be the best you can be and breathe all the fresh air you can breathe. Love what is yours and dream of what could be. Last of all remember that sometimes, thats just where it needs to be..

The legend of bagger vance

My favourite part of the legend of bagger vance -

I don't want to do anything that might disrupt your concentration...but since our little encounter, I've been thinking...Ten years and not a single, solitary word from you?You don't do that to someone you love.I deserve some correspondence, and some indication of what you felt. I don't know what happened to you. But whatever it was...it wasn't as unbearable...as a woman waiting with no end in sight...wondering if she's remembered or forgotten by the man she loves. You never even said you were sorry. Now I'm supposed to run into your arms and melt like butter on a hot muffin? I'm sorry, Adele. I am truly sorry. It's too late for "I'm sorry", Junuh! Then tell me what to say. It was too long ago. No, it wasn't. It was just a moment ago.

My Pre-Christmas Cheer

Where are you christmas? Where are the smiling faces and coloured lights? All I see is darkness and things that are so awefully black and white. Where is my christmas miracle? My one wish come true? Where is MY christmas? It's left.. The same as you... I miss the laughs the dumb jokes, the hugs and the patience. I miss all the times you smiled at me when all I did was make a mess.. Nobody gets me like you do,nobodys gonna be the same. I so hope this pain goes away. Help me wipe away these tears one more time and help me chase away these fears of being left behind. I need to breakout of this stupid mess alone this time and it's not going as planned. I'm getting weaker day by day and these drops of missing you won't go away. My poor heart stops at the thought of you, just so I can hold back these leaking eyes.. My lungs forget to breath and I get all choked up inside. Where is my christmas? When will it come? Don't I get something nice from santa this time roun?

Dark clouds shrouding me

The street lights sparkle in the dew of the morning air. The city lies awake as if unaware of the time of day. All seems so alive though it is mostly asleep, nothing but moving shadows of the sleepwalker's dream. I wish I could walk among the midnight stars, glare up into the sky and just close the doors. If only my past stops haunting me, this sleepwalker will not be walking within her dreams. Only for tonight maybe i tell myself. This one last time, I know I should confess.. Maybe love was meant to leave me to bleed, maybe its my flaw, my pain to breathe. Every sin I sin in vain, for every shadow just remains. Lurking in the dark corners of my thoughts, coming only when I'm hurting most. Mostly when I lie awake, when I open my eyes to a brand new day. It always starts seeing your face. Knowing I can't have you with me throughout the day. Now I find the world turns dark, everytime I hear another door shut. Right in my face you leave me to think. Leaving your trail of betrayal not far behind, you pretend that you're still mine. Let me off this hook that cuts so deep, let me loose from the hanging cliff.

Not cryin over spilt blood

It used to be a great laugh, it was thought to be a great partnership. We were made in heaven just like gummy bears when u make me angry. Things change, yes i am very much aware. But do you have to constantly help me fly and then drastically let go? If not to be my lover then atleast remain the companion that helped me fight my demons. Ahh but the sweet saying that I love so well never ceases to captivate me.. Every freakin thing happens for a freakin reason. And I stand by it.. I always will I think.. But remember, one day, I'll be there for you even though you don't see me right infront of you offering you my shelter. I will be the one to save you and right then.. You can't have me.. I'm growing. I'm learnin from every single mistake I've made. And now, I don't need this 'I love you but its too hard right now to be there for you all the time and I have to go through this alone crap'! Muax!

(!?..!?)

All this talk of darkness, never seems to fall. All the shade we hide in, gives us such little time. Nod our heads and close an eye, to things we choose not to believe. Though we drown in what surrounds us, it is merely what we end up having to breathe. The smell of soot, of filthy lies. Of "innocent" lying through our teeth. We wish we may just at a sight, be rid of things that give a fight. Just to give in and fall to our knees; to make this life closer to complete. Seeing no circumstance to throw a fist in through a door. Seeing instead its steady alternate route closer to smelling the raw tiles on the floor. Backing down seems cowardly but sometimes made too big. Somethings just don't make a diff while others create the ultimate change.

Lost in this tranlation one time too many. Back to the same sequence in the same old routine I keep running circles in. Back to square one again, where every rainbow coloured cloud eventually turns a dull dusty grey. Thats not gonna be me again, all I'm seeing is a delicate and subtle bright golden sun, pink and purple clouds and an almost beaming army of green leaves everywhere! haha.. abit too optimistic? owh well! bttr all full up than half full or half empty ey? :D

PS: this means no more nonsense! from me... (**,) riiite... haha..