Shadows in my closet

Endless..

2011-06-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

There's a girl sitting in a deep dark corner. Nobody sees her but I hear her call my name. There in the silence she grins on her own and lies in total absolution from all truth and blame. There is a secret waiting to break free. A secret set of wings that are waiting to spread. All that stands between her and her freedom is but a moment. A glimpse of a wish she once made. The curl of her sleek black hair lies in place by her cheek. The make up that hides the lines of the tears she once shed. There in the mirror she sees her reflection.. She sees beauty beyond all she had imagined. Beauty once lost in the shadow of doubt. Beauty once thrown away by a heart once pure. Looked past all the good in the light and fallen straight into shame and endless storms of blame. Maybe it took too long. Maybe it was worth the wait. Strangers that encountered love in a friendship held so dear. Tonight belongs to me as tomorrow will to you. The night is no longer ours because I'm done giving in to you. I'm done being the bleeding sleeve in all your endless heartaches. I'm done shielding my heart from what I know was to be. The time caught up to us and now it's time to face your demons. They whirlwinds in you have come to haunt you and my love, I cannot solve what is yours to learn. I cannot wake you up from this nightmare you put us in. My sunrise is mine to watch and if you're ready to face today, my sunrise will be ours to share. No more night skies and starry strolls. No more running from demons to shadows. No more secrets, no more separate lives. If you're ready we'll let our hearts stop competing to survive but finally let them combine and rise.. I love you now and always will and that is all I can bring myself to say..

Breaking free

2011-05-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

and when the little sparrow sits by her window, she watches the wind dance between the leaves of her favourite cherry tree. The music of the stringed angels play through her feathers and tell her a story of the years gone by. As she lies awake beneath the sunlight, mending her broken little wing she joins the wind in its little dance and she sings through thundering sounds of rain. She sings through the day and all through the night. Break free of this cage that binds you and stop imagining the reality before you. Be what is and what can be.. Feel what you have and all that you can feel. The wind is but beneath your wing. The sun beams his rays on your window sill and nothing but your cage is keeping you there. Leap the leap with all the might of your little heart and break free of the shadowed palace that keeps you captive. Claim your daylight from the moon and the stars and claim the moonlight from all the shadowed friends you are so fond of.

Let me out of this nightmare.. set me free..

2011-03-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

We could fade into a distant memory.. All the painted seashores and all of the moonlight glances when it felt like it was just u and me. Beneath the starlight and hidden in the shadows where we are all that we need to be. Everything seems so simple and yet everything could just be swept away with the sands of time of unfortunate mistakes.. One split moment, one false move.. A love so strong in so much frailty. We could be stronger than pillars standing tall. We could be amazing beyond all doubt. What stands between us, but a decision. A wall standing in the way of everything that we could be. I'd hold your hand when times get rough, I'd love you when it feels like theres no one around. I'd do me and you'd do you just like we did before, we'd be everything we are without a doubt in the world. Nothing to hold us down. Nothing to fear. No more running from love itself. Circling my thoughts with daggers in my sides thinking how we got here. Where did we go wrong but more so how in the world did we not see all of the right? I'm in my head behind bars that hold me back. I'm afraid just like you. I'm hanging on this cliff but I'm ready to jump off it with you. Never before have I stood by in the shadows and yet here I lie within the depths of my soul. Afraid I'm lost in the circumstances of a bad dream that won't go away. I scream inside and my eyes are grey. My sparkle is yours and my faith is strong. Lead me not into another nightmare. Don't make me have to say goodbye this time. I'm tired of letting go, of giving in to all the circumstances of life.. I'm fighting like hell, punch in the face and tearing at the very core of my heart. I'm enduring this wounds and I'll look beyond all my scars. I'm fighting for this. I'm fighting for you and I don't wanna give up. Let our dance not be in vain for it was a beautiful night a beautiful day.. Baby let us have this chance. I'm tired of being alone and I'm tired of allowing the world to fall in love with me left behind with nothing but a memory, nothing but a dream..

~Love~

2011-01-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

Grab hold of all that you hold dear to you. Not in fear that one day will not come but in faith that all that you have infront of you will forever be held with love and care. With the steady hands of unwavering endurement of all the bad things that are inevitable. Being free to lose control of yourself knowing that the one person that loves you will love all about you without fear or doubt. The signature of hands clasped together will be written among the stars and with that the stars light up each night only but to whisper the unending tale of what is unquestionable. Beyond rhyme or reason a constellation steals your gaze and you find yourself staring into each others eyes. Lost in a moment when the music holds us warm in its embrace. The world around us stops and stares for awhile to watch the secret in play. The story untold in a tango never so clear as when your hand is holding me close by your side. Daydreams and fairytales.. They become real..

Beyond a broken bridge..

2010-12-28T03:11:00.000-08:00

I close my eyes and apologize for all the lies I told myself. I looked away from all the truth that laid awake beneath the broken bridge beyond the star glazed road. To my surprise in the nick of time I closed a broken door. Soon to wake before the quake of the wonders beyond rainbows. I know my truth and I know yours and you know what lies in reality. An escape beyond the clasps of humanity was what we stole and made ours. Tonight I see before my very eyes the truth that you are captive of. I apologize that I can't stand by and watch my shadows fight in the day time. I was captivated in your gaze and my hands lost in your grasp. I let my mind drift away and along with it I got lost in yours. In your head there was nothing but hope nothing but bright skies and yet nothing for love. Unprepared, undiscovered we're waiting in lost words. Worlds twirling in whirlwinds of rage and yet the seas are calm.. The ship is sailing beyond your bay and you've just watched it pass. You never stopped to lend a gaze and now the white sail is gone. Sweet sorrows will blow away and soon the wounds will be healed but look your way and know that I say my love was true. Say goodbye and say goodnight for tommorows will last all night through..

Done!

2010-12-15T01:41:00.000-08:00

Stolen little nibbles of a bite too big. All down the gutter of things that just weren't meant to be. End it now when nothing more is lost. Leave now broken before the little pieces are gone. Never again to lose myself to dwell in a realm of darkness beyond all else. I must pick up these sweet nothings and make it wonderful everythings that just don't matter anymore. Define this moment as the hour calls for the bell to ring. Chime through this chapter and end it with infinity. All that is lost in ones lonesome kiss is all that remains in a lover's drift. Sonnets written of long awaited love is all crumbled and tossed away in the new man's world. Thoughts adrift and lies that lay swift. Tonights the night and tommorows no longer exist.. Bring me back to todays and what ifs.. Let me be lost in all my amazings within. Let the rainbow surpass the clouds in the sky and let me stop my dreams of stupid you and I's..

2010-12-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

My moon is fading and the sunshine is no more. Twilights are over and now I must live on my own. Let go of the clouds in the skies for now they have all my stories laid to line. All my stolen daydreams and all my laughter filled nights. I miss you.. I miss you.. And I'll miss you tonight. I hate goodbyes and now I hate hellos. The tidings come to an end much like every other good show. I hate goodbyes and solemn vows. Secret lies that only I know. Everybody shares fate but one me shares faith in all the unkept promises in the forbidden gardens. Every star as my witness but noone to comfort. I am cold and scared. Lost in a distance. Nobody knows my name and only I know of this game. My heart stops beating and suddenly my eyes are glazed. Darkness shroud me and take away this pain. Restore my golden rays and let me be awakened once more. Let this be my saviour, my knight in shining armour. Let this tale end with a happy ending for I can't stand another broken piece in my little heart..

Goosebumps..

2010-12-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

And this is just another bad dream,
Another mini episode to not dwell in.
Tommorow will wake me up in a new place,
and all these little nightmares will just fade away.

Another crack through my broken little smile,
One more blink in the lost twinkle in my eye.
Another turn back to all thats left behind,
Tonight I live and the lights light up my strides.

My own happy ending

2010-11-24T05:54:00.001-08:00

Here I am.. This is where time breathes. Steal my breaths and squeeze my heart till it just won't beat. For a moment I am gone. The clicks of every clock start ticking and the gears in my head turn once more. All the thoughts are back to haunt me and I am lost from reality no more. Love not what once seemed real for destiny is no more the essence of day. Struck once is more than plenty for once is just all its going to take. Broken wings may mend and fly away but a broken spirit takes more than rest and bandages.. The cast was off too soon before its time, now the bones it worked so hard to hold together shatter just out of grasp. Bit by bit the pieces fall like rain drops in a field so cold. The pieces lie upon the ground like there is nowhere else for it to be. Its long expected home of old of familiar feelings that were all supposed to reach a happy ending built to last. I let down my hair no more and I climb my own stairwell. I slay my own dragons and I stand firm in what I must. My heart is mine and you will not conquer for my sleeve is torn and it will no longer bear the stains on my arm.

At the edge of anywhere today...

2010-11-22T07:07:00.000-08:00

Can't fall back. Not into a past that only dreams can be a part of. I'm holding on at the end of this cliff and I'm not letting go. Not diving head first into a land where the fairy tales seem real when all around you shadows are spreading their arms. Finger tips dug deep into this rock, I'm screaming all my last breaths just to keep hanging on. As my tears slide down my cheeks, the world around me spins and I can't keep up. My body aches.. Every muscle, every nerve at its very end but nothing is beyond the pain of the little beats that throw me off course. Not remembering what anything feels like I wanna keep it this way. I don't wanna remember I don't wanna dream. I wanna be head first and all body in with my reality, all I can see and feel and have in my arms. This is what it is and somehow this isn't what its about. Rainbows end and this is my pot of gold. My rainbow is over and before me I see its shimmer. A little bit shattered and a little less reflective of the sunlight I once saw but there it is. Waiting for me.. Maybe my record is broken, all my stories are repeating unwillingly. Get me out of this loop. Take my hand and pull me out of this black hole. Bring me back my blue skies and let the warmth of the sun take me away...

Silent screams..

2010-11-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

A vague message sent by a stranger. One that expects lines in between to be coated in magic fairy dust to make all things suddenly seem real. Fairies weren't made outside of the land of dreams and my fantasy ended when all reality came crashing in. Beyond that mountain I once called my own, I hide not away from my friend shadows. Claims of light beyond my reach, I feel my warmth glow from inside of me. I need not the light nor its fading rays. I search not in the dark for I have not forgotten my wings. I fly and soar and feel the wind beneath my wings. The air lifts me and now I know not of evil things. My past is over and my future renewed. All I look toward is now finally being consumed. Thoughts told to be of my own were deceitful images to be held. Ones looked upon only to be strengthened again. Maybe the podium built fits not both you and I but I need not a podium for I live in the sky. I am above all that live to ambush, taunt and scorn. I live beyond fires that look into your eyes and ceaselessly burn. Once you soared amongst the birds, and once you sat on great trees above. Now you stand within your own bitterness, lost in words that only you speak of. What is real and what is not anymore? I don't understand what your world survives on anymore. All that you held dear has been banished for an uncertain eternity and all that is left is the ashes you allow yourself to dwell within. The ashes are but that of a phoenix. They wait to rise in flames of beauty. If only you opened your eyes to see what lies before you, maybe someday you will see the clouds that crowd your mind from the truth of your judgement. All my dreams lost and poured into one, now all my dreams captured have come all at once. I tire not from breaking the ashes although I break free each time and each time the light shines a little less brighter. Angels fall and so do poets however angels find light while the poet hides in darkness. Choose now for all eternity depends on it. For the choice you make is the strength you put into it. Whatever you choose is what you decide on being. And whatever it may be it will be only your choice beside it.

A hopeless dreamer..

2010-10-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

Watch closely as the world begins to surface. Take a step back and watch the glistening in every eye. Every book has its story and tonight this is mine. The world spins in darkness and the light brings me home tonight. Another leap into temptation, another look at despair.. One more chance in the little gamble. The deception is overwhelming and the city lights are all dim. The true light is missing and all I'm looking for is within. Sometimes the mistakes are one in a million but tonight they are a million to one. How can I escape this dark cold cell when all my bars feel like ice? My hands cold each time I try to bend them and I sink back into all my chains. In the distance the moonlight is calling but tonight its not my name. Star gazers on their midnight strolls stop and stare at the iron bars across my window. I look into their eyes and suddenly the chills stop for a little while. I see the stars that gleamed.. I feel the world stop trembling... I hold their hopes for a moment and then they leave and walk on into their nights.

Nothing but me..

2010-10-13T00:56:00.000-07:00

Through the thorns and the rain, nothing but me.. Through the thoughts and the plans, nothing but me. Through the sheets of stained glass on my window the sunlight shines the bright colours. Everyone with its own story and every one with a direction. Falling leaves close my eyes, their golden browns cloud me with sunshine and yet I remain.. Stunned in a place waiting for more to come by. Waiting for golden shards of heaven to quickly make every scar alrite. Truth is my scars run deep, far beyond all the overgrown trees. They lie inside ever so still and still they lie with the sharpest tips. The pain I thought was gone so quick is here to stay to play its tricks. Kick the leaves off the ground and wallow in its glory for just a little while. Soon the leaves will start to fade and soon reality and I will share another playdate. Be still my heart from beating to quick. Be still my heart, don't fall so quick. The leaves will be gone and the emptiness will stay but one things for sure, the world will remain. The world and its endlessness will save the day, just make sure your clouds don't get in the way. Let not my stormy weather shake my core. Let not this raincloud out of its store. Save it for another day. One where the sun promises to stay. On that day, the world will be bright again..

The eternal view..

2010-10-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

Lookin' out an open window staring at the smouldering sun. Someone catch my heart from sinking.. Take my hand and keep me from faltering. I am but a girl asking for a ray of sunshine to beam its warm light unto my darkness. Something to keep the shadows away from whispering cold breezes and sweet nothings. Looking for the angel, the light in the doorway. Wondering where my breadcrumbs went cause I seem to have lost my way. Lay it all out on the heart I wear on my sleeve. Take my missing beats and make it whole again. Far beyond a distant nightmare, a knight in shining armour always saved my day. Now it's just me and I'm okay now but still my side is bare. I hear music in the background of my day. Every lyric speaks your name. Another ryhme another listen, one more night and my heart weakens. Dreaming of things that are not real and yet in this dream I'm stuck in your reality. Like a dancer waiting for her chance to shine, I'm waiting on my dream to come alive. Drowned in obstacles I need to break lose, let me grow wings so I can soar free and unfold with you..

Glittered sandcastles..

2010-09-30T04:55:00.000-07:00

A maiden waiting at the shore for her sailor to come home.. She builds castles out of sand and remembers the names of every wishing star. Tonight, a night like no other. The stars cease to shine upon her. The rain falls and raindrops fill her eyes. All around her glimmers brightly. All the world surrounding her in eternal beauty. The scales fall from her eyes and finally she sees the sunrise. Beams of sunlight on her face.. The beauty of every starlight, the shade of every moon dance.. What if sunlights are just a dream? What if the starlights weren't real? Be the truth that quides the seeking heart. Mine is beating two beats apart. Sync in with me as we sit on cloud 9.. Lost in our very own misbeats struck out in time.

catching daydreams..

2010-09-16T07:59:00.001-07:00

Sunny days and starry nights, how you stir me from the inside. Get me lost in blue skies and lose everything in sight. All that seems real somehow stepped into light. Now I see faded closets waiting to be opened. Darkened lights waiting to be turned brighter. All that is real is unreal and all that is unreal might be my truth. Truth is I'm dreaming and within my dream I am real. Searching for my answers when what I needed to find was my questions. Maybe all I was made to be is a dreamer but I will be the best dreamer there is to be. My dreams are my survival and through this mess I must win.

Courage in a time of a distant tomorrow..

2010-09-15T04:30:00.001-07:00

Half way there just isn't going to do. The pins strike sharp and I'm tired of chasing the endless wheels. Stuck in an hour glass with no escaping every grain of time. I'm shaking in my shoes tonight, alone and in the blues. Catch another falling teardrop and stab me right in the heart. Be there for one more night and then disappear for all the other days. Gather all the love you have and keep a little on the side. My love is nothing but shadowed brick walls and there is no more to keep you nice and warm. I'm watching the glass fill up with sand. I'm holding my whole world in my hand. I'm holding it close and ever so tight. Afraid I'll let more slip out of my sight.. Another sunset, another sun rise.. One more cold, dark and lonely. One more tomorrow to put behind. I want my today, my right now.. I need sweet memories and I need the tenderness I've been missing all this time. I'm done with half way streets with unlit freakin' lamp posts. I'm tired of holding an empty hand on my lap that is none other than my own. Courage, gather yourself up. Courage beat it down. Courage scream with ambered fires.. Courage come and claim your child.

Makin it through..

2010-09-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

If I had a choice, half of your heart just won't do. Another melody is playing and I'm sinking in it's tune. The screams of each note unending as it spins all over like morning dew. Fall gently upon this petal, ever fragile in its form. Spill over me with certainty as the uncertainties of the world collide. Bring me back to solid ground, flying just isn't much fun. The starry nights were beautiful but now its time to play in the sun. Dream a little dream of me..

I don't want to be lost in dreamland. Don't want to think and feel this nothingness inside. Want to be free of you and the whispered promises of lifetimes in sparkles and sun.. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Don't want to know where the heartache begins again. Tomorrow you'll leave and another songbird sings goodbye. Today I'm free. Another day with a mask by my side.

Dreams of gold..

2010-09-04T01:09:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning captivated by a dream. One with a lady who was lost in her very own distant dream. A lady dressed in simplicity and yet she wore a beautiful string of turqoise blue around her neck bejeweled with only golden adornment. She looked into the pockets of space and time and I watched her wondering what shes getting lost in. I merely uttered a few words out in a form of a simple question and in turn I received the true beauty of the life in her eyes. Though with recent marriage and her husband right by her side playing the most soothing of tunes, eyes closed and lost in his own world. She said simply and yet with so much of depth in her eyes. She said 'I woke up this morning and felt like a deer caught in the headlights. All I have left to look forward to in my life lies beyond the fields of gold.'

Lost within fields of gold one day she will be, among the glow of sunlight gleaming over the seas. My ship has sailed away from me and one day your ship will come home. Within the rasping wind I will find my sailor and I will be strong. I will wait in the fields of barley. I will dream until the dream is done..

The butterfly..

2010-08-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you the story of the Butterfly lady.

She sits on her leaf pondering for a second. She picks herself up and moves on. She flutters her wings with colours so bright. She seeks her new flower while the sun beams his light. Blessed with honey all glittered in gold she can't help but have her lips caught on its taste. A wind picks up and blows her weak little legs right off that gentle petal and she is taken far far away.. Flight by flight, from day to the creeps of moonlight. She searches for her flower.. One that starts feeling like a dream. One that begins to look further and further away. She flies round in circles and yet it never leads her back to the golden taste of heaven. The winds are harsh, the place seems cursed. I'm repeating a song that tells me I'm mad but somehow I'm just lost and alone deep down inside. I'm caught between the flower and a dark place. My flower is slipping away but I remember its taste. I remember the soft petal.. I remember the feeling of home. But where? Where are you? I'm lost and searching and I'm running out of time.. I'm tired and my last little flutter has come around and there it is.. I will remember.. I will feel every last drop.. I miss it.. Flutter.. Flutter not..

The muse..

2010-08-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am but a muse in this poet's dark nights. Only but a glimpse of an inspriration to spark a wonder of dark clouds. The bleeding shadow amidst the rays of the moonlight. Shake off this dying limb. Undig your nails from my frail skin. I have been but yours for all of my eternity and my nights have grown cold like the drops of rain. My heart has grown hard making itself strong but now its stopped beating and can no longer beat to my song. I have grown a shell with just me in it and the world stopped hurting for a whole joy of a minute. Be thou my shadow as I have been yours. I'd never wish that upon you for I and that endless torment have grown too fond. As the heavens look upon my tears, they see the world shiver in fear. Drop by drop the glass beads shatter. The ground is wet and the world seems better. Going about all of my mistakes I dream a dream and become a muse again.. Singing as your voice guides me through as the world is back in order and I am but yours to use. Then the day sinks in and I must wake up from the dream, i hop back into a distant echo of an angel's voice calling my name. As the sun rises higher in the sky the muse inside me dies.. The world seems quiet like nobody sees me. There are no more starlights to guide me. I am but my own and I am all I have until the moon comes and the shadow poet seeks me out and calls my name..

Fly on the wall..

2010-08-09T02:22:00.000-07:00

The world is my stage. My playground.. I do all the crazy, all the safe. I do all the silly and I never wanna change. Now my place, my land has turned. Its become me and suddenly all is not right and safe. Once again the rails are gone and I'm left to climb the bars on my own. No safety net to catch me and no more hand to guide me through. This is all I asked for and yet I turn into the wallpaper by your wall. I become the wonder of colours that brighten up the room and yet thats all I will become. I will always be the paper that people leave behind. The one to colourful to bring outside. Like a bird in a cage waiting to sing for your return. Ready to flap my wings and yet I don't want you to open that cage door. I am asleep and all the lights are turned on. I am awake but my eyes are closed. The clouds above me are no more and yet I am darkness waiting to consume your world. Hold on tight because its going to be a long ride. I am my insanity and somehow the insanity isnt only on the inside. Why do you look past all that is seen on me? Why can't you see all the cuts and bruises I'm causing. One day you'll know and you'll love me less. One day I'll become your very own wallpaper, just like all the rest..

we've got tonight..

2010-08-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

The nights are coming to past and all I think of is my truth. Spinned and twirled and now I'm still.. Water ripples are around me though I lie unmoved in the middle. Round and round the circles get bigger and yet, somehow.. Somehow I am searching. What made sense maybe doesn't so much anymore. A little sparrow's try and his own little first flight. I'm caught up in all the lights and glamour. Dazed by the glitter and all the shiny armour. Missing out on all the important things. I miss you.. I miss not caring about what things are going to be. I'm tired of worrying about whether or not things are meant to be. Maybe fairytales don't come true but then again this is more like reality. It doesn't seem like a fairytale.. Doesn't seem unreal.. The heartache is real, the crazy mistakes and thoughts are real.. The love is real.. The future is real. What more should a person look for? What more is there to ask. I'm in love with the risk of change and yet somehow I look forward to the change of heart. I don't understand me just as much as you. I don't know where the heck I'm headed to. All I know is I've got you tonight. I've got us and I've got all our crazy built up inside.

Away with these ashes..

2010-07-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

My heart pounds as I hold in another scream. Another monster too devious to kill. Won't the shadows go back into their closets? Won't the constant beating drum finally rest and let me close my eyes. I no longer love the pain of all there is. I've become cold and soft like ice on the touch of a giant. Trying so hard to keep it together so the weight doesn't send me drowning through and yet he persists.. Leaving the ice flakes shattered, scattered away from each other. I melt away and form with others and still my heart aches for the ones that held me together. A triumph is what I seek and yet there isn't a tale of such waiting to be told. Instead I'm lost in tragedies, stories of the untold. Insanity strikes at my waking mind. Will I sleep another useless restless night? My eyes tired, darkened at the brim.. Soon they flood and yet still, theres nothing. No more to scream, no more to cry.. Theres no more to say because theres no more strength inside. No more of me to give up and try.. The sea will come and the wind will blow the ashes of insanity away.. But this part of me, will stay. In silence, within me where it's existance will never be betrayed..

angel eyes..

2010-06-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

Such a numbing feeling, stemming from the heart. Running through my fingers.. Wondering when did it all start? Sitting in silence before a familiar face, somehow you know me but don't remember the time or place. Lovers once met in destiny's lair somehow now lost in despair. Like a maiden locked way up high in a tower, screaming out loud with no knight in shining armour. I set my hair down the golden stair but somehow my knight misses it and goes running back the same way. Silent killers sneaking in through the dark, where is all this loneliness coming from? All the hidden little thoughts, the broken closets of shadows locked up. Sing our harmony like we once danced to our duet. Bring me back to my poetry of where you and I both met. I can't be your guide with lights shining bright. Now you need to be my subtle hand and lead me through the night. Sweet sorrow leave my side. Bring me back my somedays that have somehow disappeared in the stillness of the new flock of wings taking flight. Send me my angel so that somehow I may just enjoy my true love;s gaze once again..

sail away with me..

2010-06-01T02:08:00.001-07:00

An old familiar symphony plays behind all the silly masks, a tune so rich in solitude that no other man can hear it bask. Way beneath the sunlit sky, way beyond you and I's. High and low it twirls and twirls as far as the wind can blow. Caught in a dance within this wind, I can't find my way out. The music fades into my mind and after time it becomes a part of me. Twilight dancers and a moonlight gaze. Crazy merchants with windows glazed. Return to me my numbing potion. Let us be travellers on the sea. The endless wind will blow my way and forever will we sail further and further away.

Lost

2010-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

The realm of not knowing.. Once we start our dance in solitude, the world then slips away. The wind spins as one with us and yet we get caught in the rain. Dreamers wake up from forsaken dreams. They come back to whats true and real. Maybe this time will be the last. Maybe this time will be made to pass all the tests. Nobody left to tell me their story. Nobody dares for my mistakes were gory. Look beyond every line and measure and remember this girl inside who once begun the dance for you. Take my hand and walk me through. I've lost all memory of the dancer's steps. Lost all memory of the dancer herself. Complete these steps that I need to recall and whisper in my ear to remind me not to fall. A dreamer's boat is far past the ocean bed, I'm waiting right here because I know it's time to grow up and make some new footsteps.

2010-05-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

My head is filled with noise. Drowning out all sense of reasoning. No rhyme goes by without blurring past my aching thoughts. Be silent and fade away. Do it now and let me stand again. The pain is too great for one to carry. The noise drowns me and keeps me dwelling. The past, the present, the unseen future. Be there for now and not the other. Swirl in circles much like cream on cake full of sugar though noone can bare its fullness of taste. Forget the world tonight and all its lifeless tragedies. Think not of now for it will only be one more of life's parodies. Look not into the distance, the light is blinding the sight. Drown out the past and rely on my own new song. Let me breathe now and let me have my time to be lost. I need to hang on to me for I fear one day she will be lost.

A different daydream...

2010-05-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Everyday is a different daydream... Every one leaving me a little further behind. I find myself drifting in music lost in little beats of time. Let me live a little sunshine... Something to dry away the dark. Till tomorrows are nothing but a hidden rhyme. Every note of my song is for you although it pierces my very being. This song I sing right now is mine and right now I sing the blues... The stars in my skies are fading quickly and the only one I see is you. It feels like I'm reaching too high, asking the moon to share his light. Give me more time to bask beneath as he forever seems to take endless flight. The stars are becoming so unreal. The burning lights seem so dim. I'm holding on to fantasies, to maybes, what ifs and what could have been. Starlight, starbright, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have my wish come true tonight. Fall into my hands like raindrops on water... Whisper in my ear something I need to hear. Tell me tomorrow is knocking at my door. Let me run to it swiftly with you in my hand so that I may see it when I answer. Oh daydreams please give me my nights.. I need to go to sleep now and hold my lover in my arms... Leave not this person empty in her bed. No, just give her time to rest her head. Time it is and nothing else... Only time parts us and only time will tell...

Another crushed hope...

2010-04-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

If only you cared to know the half of it.. You claim you see me for who I am and yet deep down inside you fear that I am but a sleeping baby. I'm more than meets the eye with leaps and bounds quite far behind. I've skipped through obstacles and nasty winds. I'm here at my first peak and I needed a pit stop. You urge me to move past this and one day you may just see me break right down. Sit down and tell me a story just like you always do and I will listen but when will it be my turn? Maybe we've reached a time where it's time you listen to me because here I am. Wearing my stories on my face. Look at the shattered creases of once crystal filled eyes. As the shards of glass pierce my heart when you look away the crystals fall right down leaving their scrape marks right where my eyes ache. Washing away the sight they dream to see. Take another big step and you will see that you have once again crushed another one of my little dreams. Let me be amazing because I am what I am. Look me in the eye and tell me you see me. I'm standing right infront of you, beating heart in hand and all. Don't take it from me just listen to the rhythm of the beats and see that it would have once matched yours...

The letter..

2010-04-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

Open your scarlet letter. Bring the ink to its light. Let the violet poetry dance in sweet delight. Feel the words surround you cause right now I wish I had my arms around you. Thoughts swim inside my mind, like shadows they are so alive. Spinning in circles of symmetry. Touch that seal and feel my lips pressed together in a kiss. Something said once in some kind of story. Now I feel the world is without me. Because when I found you it's been just you and me. I feel we've danced once upon a distant dream although your smell still lingers on me. Remember when the big ball stopped spinning when both you and I just stopped breathing. When all in time did not matter and all we had was each other. All the actors around us are lost in awe as you and I teach them how to soar. Some sit back in jealousy as they judge with eyes so wide and green. I'll hold you close to my heart because one day this letter will crumble apart. The words in ink will fade away but these feelings inside me will remain. The simple things carved into my heart, like initials on an oak tree but with a silly start. Remember always to open each letter, breathe the ink that I put to paper. Feel my kiss on every sentence and live the day knowing I'm better. You make it worth living the day because you are the poet shadow prancing in my head. Someday I'll join you and we'll sing in the rain but now I'll let you linger. Like a phantom that guides my weary hand.

A new twilight

2010-04-12T09:19:00.001-07:00

How do I begin to pretend this isn't hard? It's something so wonderfully colourful and amazing waiting right before my eyes but my hand can't reach beyond this window. Sealed shut until time takes its place my cold body lies lifeless and alone until you come and save me from the night. As one said in a vanilla twilight, I lie awake while you're asleep and my hands stay lonely without you. Every tear that falls is falling for you. For every memory I hold dear in my heart, I promise my dear that these tears can't be helped. Don't worry hunny. I know you just like you know me and I know we'll make it through...

let the angels guide you on your lofty path..

2010-03-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

Corridors lined with silent ghosts. Threatening the life you loved and trust. Things you never thought to be the silent rest has come abruptly to put us all to the test. Think again on what we once stood by and watch it slowly pass us by. Helpless though you and I may be atleast my feet stand together firmly. I'll blow the winds of change your way and hope to God that the rainbow sees you there. Find the pot at the other end before the dark cloud comes and puts out the rainbow's end. Find the gold droplets of sunshine rays and know that it will light up that golden brick way. There you will find us all with open hearts waiting for another big bright tommorow to come. Never give up on lighting your path. Your heart is what you wish it and you must promise to never give it up. Stay true to your journey and you will see your star lit way. The milky way calls your name, awaiting your return. It waits the day you ride their waves to once again show how bright you shine...

Things to cry about...

2010-03-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

No more numbers because that is to get rid of these tears. All better now that I'm here. Though I do have more inside of me still. These are the words that just need to go unsealed...

I wish not to trouble the world in it's infinate slumber. This is my story and I write each letter. Hearts unfold before me but mine shall remain lonely because the world has enough trouble. Mine is but for my dwelling. Do not fret, because the lights are spinning. The world goes on even without my song. Don't forget whose hearts are breaking. Most of all, never forget who stays by you until it mends. I will be here for your taking. Untill one day you choose to take me. I stand by you to hold your hand as you are mending. Just remember that I'm still broken and the girl inside still lies there with her head in the palm of her hands. I seem alright but my shadows are close behind. This is my story and I need you to help me put the ink of my past aside.

Blow like the wind these torn, stained pages of my life. Stay and bind the new ones tight. Refill the liquid of sweet violet blue and write the rest of my pages with me. I trust you will one day forget, all the worries in life that make you sad. I hope with me you will be fine because soon my love, I will need you to help me turn my doubts and demons right around.

Sorry for the drama..

2010-03-01T02:59:00.000-08:00

Theres an absence in your eyes where i once saw a deep coloured light. You've given in to the everything of tomorrows past. It devastates when all around you but one laughs. Time to move with the times and accept what you will one day see. When all around you joins in but me.

I held on to the ends of straws until i realised that you were breaking in my grasp. Flock now with the birds aflight. Take leave and don't creep away in the night. Nothing should happen in silence from now. This is the music, one of the many verses to the song. Its sad how now we both don't sing along.

Take a breath and take this all in. What I mean now is so simply seen. Imagine walking in where strangers know you. When all around me have no clue. The surprise I feel when I sit and stare when all about your world spins and tells. Tales of deception, fraud and new life. This is your new story. A new chapter in your own light.

I see your desire to break free, to let loose and let go. My friend, I see you. So, here it is. Take my wings. I'll set you free.

faith?

2010-02-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes night falls and your worst fears come into play. You shake your imagination off and the truth just somehow seems exactly the same. It may not be an exageration and maybe the world was right. Why should I be sitting here waiting for a wrong to become right. The faith is faltering and everything seems a mess. When is this castle going to fall to pieces? How long are these clouds going to last? Take a deep breath and stop for a moment. Let me catch my breath. Maybe all things happen for a reason and lets hope that this time it's made to last.

Of Diamond Raindrops & Golden leaves..

2010-01-28T19:12:00.001-08:00

Maybe I've been masked with rainbows and sunshine. Figments that aren't real. Today I saw the sunrise and the whole world seemed to suddenly become a blaze. The firey clouds exumed rays of wonders. Gold encrusted leaves that shine like jewels on a crown. This is my world.. This is where I'm meant to be. Among the flocks of birds that cross the sun and the green of the mountains that bow to no one. Break free of the prison hourglass and scream as loudly as I want. My world is my freedom and my freedom is where I shall always be...

when i look at the sky

2010-01-16T02:14:00.000-08:00

A passage found from a lost time...

2010-01-16T01:54:00.000-08:00

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.
I pray that,according to the riches of his glory,
he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with
Power Through His Spirit
and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith,
as you are being rooted in love,
I pray that you may have the power to comprehend,
with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of christ that surpasses knowledge,
so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

2009-08-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Stars have fallen,
No more clouds my eyes.
I see the world crumbling,
Pieces of life flying by.

Exams are over. Woohoo? Not quite.. Try painful reminders of the life you once put behind. Building love up into pretty little castles, waiting for the world to stop and stare. Suddenly it gets washed over and all you're left with is your buckets and your sand.. You search to catch up with everything you missed and then you find that they didn't even bother leaving you a trail behind. Breathe they say, you have time. What use is time and an unending ticking clock when it's just you with all your unfulfilled hopes to bring you down from inside. Love sweeps over me but like little glitter on art. It makes you feel all pretty again and then you realize its gonna be alot of time and alot of work. Sparkles in your eyes, warmth in your hugs.. Make me feel better again cause I can't tell you how much I need you now. I'm all alone with no one to care, won't somebody see me and save me from this hell?

Collide

2009-08-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you,

yeah

I'm open, you're closed

Where I follow,you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know

I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here

I lost my place

I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide...

2009-07-25T06:22:00.001-07:00

I've forgotten how painful it is to be amongst the world and yet feel all alone. When the way everyone looks at you just seems like a glance. I must admit my heart has grown cold. But even if it were frozen, I would feel the pieces breaking in it's core. Lost and buried before my time. All by experiencing more than what I could at the wrong times. Searched and searched for that one call. Looking for the one thing, one place I could truly count on. Day by day the light turns night, leaving me lacking the life I once learnt to like. Symmetry and poetry was all that I sought. Yet, today... I'm left alone..

so the lost girl sings..

2009-07-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

There she dances,
The lost girl in Mephis,
Eyes lost in teardust,
Skipping life by.

She twirls her hair in darkness,
Then sits by the stairs,
She sings of lost lovers,
and screams in despair.

The tales she once told,
Have all become cold,
The dreams she once had,
Are the ones she now dreads.

All she can hear are the ryhmes in her head,
The lost story untold,
The truth of the death,
Of one spirit child that never really left.

Colder and safer

2009-05-25T03:38:00.000-07:00

I'm spinnin round in circles,
waiting to fall down.
Nobody catch me,
I'm doing this on my own.

Tables are turning,
Everything fades.
Something feels colder,
Everyday...

Your touch is warm,
Just like the sun.
Keeping me safe,
No need to run...

Cause nothing really lasts forever,
Nothing but this feeling after.
I'm screaming,
I'm cleaning,
I'm breathing anew.

I feel you,
I feel you...

Don't let go. But let me fall... Let me fall..

2009-05-10T03:47:00.001-07:00

OMG! The stress is taking over me. Or atleast I hope that this is because of the stress.. I feel the downs. The ever faithful dissapointment and blues... Deadliest freakin emotion that consumes the being.. Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you could try a little harder to care. I don't wanna be this feeling. I don't know if theres anything else telling me I can. I've worn out my sources. Exhausted every feeling within me. All thats left to feel is me. The mask is gone. I'm wearing this smile. The laughter is fading and right now, it feels like theres no more inside.

Dreaming my dreams..

2009-04-30T01:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not a little girl trying to be all grown up. I'm all grown up and my world is here. The time will come when only my thoughts remain and untill that day, everything else is still going to change. I don't want to be the one dragged down into life screaming. I want to embrace and live every part of it. Let this be my time. My moment. Let me make this leap and just be proud that I'm making it. Accept this for this is who I am, I'm not broken because I choose to stand. Stay close and don't let go of my hand. I still want you here by my side. I just need you to trust that I know whats right in my heart. Tonight I'll try and maybe tommorow I'll fall but that will be when I need you to catch me. Don't keep me from leaping into this cloud...

2009-04-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

Don't be blinded by the past. Let things unfold and make them last. Maybe if people change the world will see. Maybe it won't and I will be set free. It seems hard and I don't want it to be. It was perfect. So very clear and it was too good to be true. This is why I give up. This is why I clipped my wings together and painted my smile black. Cold from the world, not feeling anything. Undo this feeling, let me go back to my masks that kept me safe. Stop these tears from falling down my already scarred face. I'm done leaping, so afraid. Scream a scream and lift this cursed downfall off of me. I'm tired. Afraid. Leave me be, with my guitar and painted smiles across my face.

A line across the bed..

2009-03-21T01:18:00.001-07:00

Well, while i have the downs still buzzing in my head. Thought id squeeze out a lil bit of words that lie well together.

It started across the room from here, you saw me standing far away. Maybe it was part of a plan and maybe its just something we wanted to believe. Life was cold and I needed a hand, I was falling apart and it just seemed like no one was there. I walked alone in the dark, feeling around a familiar path and then I found a little speck. A little clean bright spot that sat so well in my hand. I picked it up and cleaned it up, the light shined so bright I thought I'd eventually go blind. The oh so familiar sight of pitch black and the seemless sounds of muffled voices seemed a little clearer. A little brighter. I keep the little shiny speck in my pocket. Saving it from the rain clouds that still hover. Maybe one day I'll wear you around my neck and maybe let you lead the way. Right now though, these rain clouds are mine to bear. Drop by drop it leaves me drenched and alone I'll walk in the dark despair. You'll be the light to guide me out, you will be the one who brightens the dark but I'll save you for another day. When the muffled sounds go away and the rain clouds are no more of their dullest grey. It will be your hand in mine, and whats left is just the sun. I promise the night will one day turn bright and we'll know that the stars have finally aligned. Just for us, side by side. You, me and the little bright speck inside.

2009-03-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

Its time to run away from these thoughts screaming inside my head. Time to take a deep breath and plunge myself into the depths of darkness. Where sight is no more my own but yours alone. Screams are quiet trying to find their way. It is about the time of about the day to make this thoughts die down again. Hush my conscience let the darkness come through. Its time for us to grow up and see life and all its truths..

2009-02-17T09:45:00.001-08:00

I'm standing in the dark with a candle lit by sparks. A light dimming with every teardrop that falls from the cheek of my face. Another blink, another stream comes rolling down. Be still.. Emotions be still.. my heart feels still, a little less than calm. Oh sweet remedies please come a knockin on my door.

Devastation

2008-12-26T07:54:00.000-08:00

Ill leave a rose at the stone of where our love lies. Ill weep a little and maybe die slowly inside. Ill talk to the plants that grow wildly by its side. The life of our love waiting to break through the stiffling earth of mistakes past. The death of faith once so strong, loses everything and weakens from the inside. What we had was pure symmetry, laughs and pain balled up in one. What has left us all dried up so quickly. Everything just refuses to hang on. I feel you here inside of me, a little voice inside my heart. Telling me to just keep tryin until there is nothing left. Remind me again of how it is. Assure me again of how its gonna be. Something keeps telling me its all gonna be worth it one day but right now, its all just the most piercing pain. Be back in MY arms, come home to me. Give me your voice and I promise you'll always have all of me.. Rest in peace my love, may the light bring you home..

Always and forever..

2008-12-21T03:51:00.001-08:00

You are all I needed, all I wanted. You are the moon, the sun, the rain and the stars that stare so brightly into my eyes. I watched you become who you are, being the one person who believes so greatly in the capabilty to keep moving on. You've been so brave, so strong at heart. I'm so very proud of you and I so wish I could have the chance to tell you that its okay. It will be okay.. It may not be perfect but I'm here, you'll always be here, this will always be here.. Remember that it all has to happen, remember that it's all hard for a reason. Breathe and live everyday, feel the pain and one day you will be able to be thankful that you don't have to feel it. And, as they all say so often, you don't know what you're missing until you don't have it. This is the time to stay strong, this is the time to stand alone. You may grow cold and it may get dark but remember dear that in the end there will be a light. It may not shine as brightly as you'd like but it will be there to save you from the night.. What is lost is never gone, what is treasured will always be borne. Learn what you can while you can learn it and leave a legacy right along with it. Be the best you can be and breathe all the fresh air you can breathe. Love what is yours and dream of what could be. Last of all remember that sometimes, thats just where it needs to be..

The legend of bagger vance

2008-12-14T08:56:00.000-08:00

My favourite part of the legend of bagger vance -

I don't want to do anything that might disrupt your concentration...but since our little encounter, I've been thinking...Ten years and not a single, solitary word from you?You don't do that to someone you love.I deserve some correspondence, and some indication of what you felt. I don't know what happened to you. But whatever it was...it wasn't as unbearable...as a woman waiting with no end in sight...wondering if she's remembered or forgotten by the man she loves. You never even said you were sorry. Now I'm supposed to run into your arms and melt like butter on a hot muffin? I'm sorry, Adele. I am truly sorry. It's too late for "I'm sorry", Junuh! Then tell me what to say. It was too long ago. No, it wasn't. It was just a moment ago.

My Pre-Christmas Cheer

2008-12-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

Where are you christmas? Where are the smiling faces and coloured lights? All I see is darkness and things that are so awefully black and white. Where is my christmas miracle? My one wish come true? Where is MY christmas? It's left.. The same as you... I miss the laughs the dumb jokes, the hugs and the patience. I miss all the times you smiled at me when all I did was make a mess.. Nobody gets me like you do,nobodys gonna be the same. I so hope this pain goes away. Help me wipe away these tears one more time and help me chase away these fears of being left behind. I need to breakout of this stupid mess alone this time and it's not going as planned. I'm getting weaker day by day and these drops of missing you won't go away. My poor heart stops at the thought of you, just so I can hold back these leaking eyes.. My lungs forget to breath and I get all choked up inside. Where is my christmas? When will it come? Don't I get something nice from santa this time roun?

Dark clouds shrouding me

2008-11-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

The street lights sparkle in the dew of the morning air. The city lies awake as if unaware of the time of day. All seems so alive though it is mostly asleep, nothing but moving shadows of the sleepwalker's dream. I wish I could walk among the midnight stars, glare up into the sky and just close the doors. If only my past stops haunting me, this sleepwalker will not be walking within her dreams. Only for tonight maybe i tell myself. This one last time, I know I should confess.. Maybe love was meant to leave me to bleed, maybe its my flaw, my pain to breathe. Every sin I sin in vain, for every shadow just remains. Lurking in the dark corners of my thoughts, coming only when I'm hurting most. Mostly when I lie awake, when I open my eyes to a brand new day. It always starts seeing your face. Knowing I can't have you with me throughout the day. Now I find the world turns dark, everytime I hear another door shut. Right in my face you leave me to think. Leaving your trail of betrayal not far behind, you pretend that you're still mine. Let me off this hook that cuts so deep, let me loose from the hanging cliff.

Not cryin over spilt blood

2008-10-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

It used to be a great laugh, it was thought to be a great partnership. We were made in heaven just like gummy bears when u make me angry. Things change, yes i am very much aware. But do you have to constantly help me fly and then drastically let go? If not to be my lover then atleast remain the companion that helped me fight my demons. Ahh but the sweet saying that I love so well never ceases to captivate me.. Every freakin thing happens for a freakin reason. And I stand by it.. I always will I think.. But remember, one day, I'll be there for you even though you don't see me right infront of you offering you my shelter. I will be the one to save you and right then.. You can't have me.. I'm growing. I'm learnin from every single mistake I've made. And now, I don't need this 'I love you but its too hard right now to be there for you all the time and I have to go through this alone crap'! Muax!

(!?..!?)

2008-10-12T07:11:00.001-07:00

All this talk of darkness, never seems to fall. All the shade we hide in, gives us such little time. Nod our heads and close an eye, to things we choose not to believe. Though we drown in what surrounds us, it is merely what we end up having to breathe. The smell of soot, of filthy lies. Of "innocent" lying through our teeth. We wish we may just at a sight, be rid of things that give a fight. Just to give in and fall to our knees; to make this life closer to complete. Seeing no circumstance to throw a fist in through a door. Seeing instead its steady alternate route closer to smelling the raw tiles on the floor. Backing down seems cowardly but sometimes made too big. Somethings just don't make a diff while others create the ultimate change.

Lost in this tranlation one time too many. Back to the same sequence in the same old routine I keep running circles in. Back to square one again, where every rainbow coloured cloud eventually turns a dull dusty grey. Thats not gonna be me again, all I'm seeing is a delicate and subtle bright golden sun, pink and purple clouds and an almost beaming army of green leaves everywhere! haha.. abit too optimistic? owh well! bttr all full up than half full or half empty ey? :D

PS: this means no more nonsense! from me... (**,) riiite... haha..

TaDaa!

2008-09-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, i believe the time is right. I believe i see the world just taking flight. I know where i am and where i sorta wanna be. And right now, amazingly, I am right where that is. I'm all grown up, or atleast i'm gettin there. hehe.. better than nothing rite?? duhh!! I can move on and I can stand still i can do anythin and not have to wonder what anyone else is doing. I can be what I wanna be and all I need to do is prove it to myself! Yes, yes, my friends have told me all this before but it is much easier said than done. And I do believe that this feeling can't be done. It has to be much welcomed with open arms from a whole bunch of overthought issues into a giant pile of burning past. Time to deal with what i have infront of me. Not what is coming and not what has past. Just what is here, what is now, what or shall i say who I AM.

Glitter

2008-09-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like throwing up but somehow I dont think its the food poisoning. I feel like screaming but somehow I feel it isnt cause im growing. I feel the world crashing down right at my feet just waiting for me to pick up the pieces. Its gettin old, its gettin too long and hard. Give me the right songs, give me the right lines. Help me find the right wings to take flight on to soar the great blue sky. Light the way and i will follow, out of my darkness please let me come along. I will snap out of this I know I can. Give me time and lend me a hand. Tomorrow will bring a brand new plan. ;)

-------

2008-09-01T08:23:00.001-07:00

Let me let go of this mask i wear, let me replace it with something else. This is losing colour and all vitality, its losing emotion and leaves only one hanging. Wanting all that was in my past to somehow happen again to remind me how to feel. Oh God please tell me what you want of me and help me conquer it. I need a past and a future, I cant live in this hole of despair wondering where to place my steps. Why do I keep on falling, where can I drift away? Let me start breathing, a brand new breed of air.. I know this is what I keep asking but is this all there is to be? Is it always only to be a question? a simple request from me?

illusion

2008-08-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

An illusion is a story,a tall tale. It's a bright and shining story that masks a hidden darkness. Words of a wonderful writter that is David Gemmell. A phrase so perfect, so flawless. One that describes who we all have become at one point or other. Circumstances that force us to have to put on that smile when all inside you is screaming and ripped apart. A hidden darkness.. I feel it, tucked within me. Far away inside but I feel it, i feel every morsel of it dying to get out. I won't let it breathe not all at one time though know theres a safe landing. People to help me stay strong. I feel the shadows calling to me sending me messages through my pain, and still I feel the world is so amazing. Still the most beautiful place. Life is great even with shadows of darkness, love surrounds me constantly although sometimes all the love pierces the heart. I keep close to my illusions my little drama act, I stay within my dreams and convince every other actor that I'm doing fine and you know, it doesnt hurt so much. ;)

Scarlet Night

2008-08-03T05:29:00.000-07:00

In the darkness burns a scarlet flame upon a candle that never seems to dim. Standing alone. Lost in all the nothingness and yet still able to find its light. A candle that burns forever, a candle that cannot be drowned out by night. All around is fading, everything feels the same. My mended heart keeps pounding and the flame calls out my name. It beats its light toward me and brings me close to its warmth, I feel the flame surround me and my heart and it both beat as one. From its fire falls its wax, black like the night it seemed to be; like all the dark nights that keep haunting me. It drips upon the ground so cold and once again onto my toes. Seeping through my pale skinned bones. Keeping me awake in my silent scream when i feel alone inside my dream. The dream that creeps in as I wake; the waking cold throughout the day. The light that burns and bleeds the night. Forming my shadows that keep out of sight to hide the demons that remain immortal for all time.

maybes and what ifs

2008-07-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

Maybe just today, maybe not tommorrow, maybe for eternity, maybe never in a distant lifetime. Never certain because there is no ultimatum, never certain because everything seems too dangerous. Time to break free, time to be me, time to get lost, time to find thoughts. Time to hide in my corner, time to be lost in my shadows, time to be aware and time to not know where Im headed. Senseless thoughts runnin circles in my head, another lost rant going about me. Colliding in bursts of anger, in tiny bursts of uncertainty. Knowing exactly what i'm capable of but not knowing at all what it is i need to be doing. Taking everybody's crap and in turn giving mine, making no sense at all of life. Need a break to breathe and laugh. Set me free of this crime of mine. A crime so sweet all life seems blind. Maybe just today, maybe not tommorrow, maybe for eternity and maybe never in a distant lifetime.

BiTez!

2008-07-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

How many of us have reached that point of exhaustion where nothing else in the world seems to matter anymore? Like just when you catch your breath from one mistake, you turn around and get smacked in the face by another mistake thats waiting to happen. Life matters to those who value it. Such wise words coming from someone who was probably having a good day or week. What happens when we value life so much that everything matters? What happens when everything that goes wrong pierces the gut like a knife? Do we cease to value all that surrounds us or do we keep moving on until the blades of life cut us completely out of the light. We need to breath and wallow in glories of our own to appreciate the choices we've made and learn to brush off the stupid things we fall into. I am going to live my life for me and whoever comes to change it will have to mean everything and will have to respect that sometimes, I may be a little selfish.

iNtO tHe LiGhT...

2008-07-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we try so hard to define ourselves, testing our tolerance over and over again just to check if anything within us has changed. It gets hard to cope and sometimes it jz drowns us in misery. What helps is to eventually remember that it is not us that we need to define, it is our priorities. What we need to set limits to is the importance in our life that should not be questioned. Who we are is only temporary because in time, our preferences change, our needs vary and what we believe in is bombarded by the truths of reality. The obscenity of thought is that we peep at our minds too often. We try to read between the lines that need not the fine detailed attention we scorn it with. It shows us clearly what we need to see, only what we can handle at a time. Dwell not within the darkness in your hearts instead, keep searching for the glimpse of light and hold on for dear life. Let no one take it away and let not the darkness taketh you into its hole.

quotes

2008-07-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

Favourite love quotes:

- Here it is! The very essence of me! It is yours to nurture or destroy.
(Troy,David Gemmel)

-After all, Im just a girl standing infront of a boy asking him to love her.
(Notting Hill)

-“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."
(Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen)

-Meredith Grey: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
(Grey's anatomy)

-Dorothy: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.
(Jerry Maguire)

- Jerry Maguire: I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...
Dorothy: Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello".
(Jerry Maguire)

- 'Theres a kind of love that makes you feel anything is possible. That you can be anyone. I want you to have that."
(Nights in rodanthe)

NiCk NiCk'S BiRthDaY!

2008-07-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our dear nick-nick's birthday! We had lotsa laughs about things that shan't be metioned for many many reasons! haha.. We got him his very first apron to kick of his culinary career.. It wuz vry vry him! Cant wait for our future visits to chef nicholas's kitchen! hehe.. Speaking of fooood.. Dinna was sumwhat delish! woohoo! cheesebaked spaghetti with hawaiian tuna baby!! YuuMMmm! Damn, shud have taken picture to tempt everyone! hehe.. Anyways, Our nick nick is legal now... Looks like Im the only "innocent" one in the group now. All waiting for my birthday next. Maybe I should start my bday wishlist? hahhaha. Just kidding!! Back to NICK's bday again, the place wuz sowh cute again, for reasons i shan't mention. Lets just say, that it stuck to it's name and gave alot of good vibes(feeling) with singing that was pretty good thanks to the added guitar skills to back em. Managed to enjoy though I couldn't understand a single thing they sang! I should sowh learn chinese! Someone teach me pwease.. Haha.. I liked that place! "feeling it!"... Just so u get da dumb jokes Im throwing out, the place is called "feeling cafe". Hahaha.. Must promote abit.. :) All in all, I like yesterday.. I wuv my fwenz though Gaga wuz missing. :( We'll hv to make sure he makes it next time yea.. MUUAAXXX!! Whoops! i 4got to end the post with what happened at the end.. When we dropped nick home we took a picture..(as u can c up there!) hehe.. Thats not my punch line.. Punch line is, HO RAN OVER NICK'S FOOT!!! ON HIS BIRTHDAY!! hahahahahahhaa... owh wait, nick referred to that as FUN! silly dumpling! haha.. It wuz ONLY your toes rite nick? hahaha... MUAX!

BuZzZz...

2008-06-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

My mind feels like a puzzle that refuses to fit all together, like theres a beautiful picture in the end that just takes way to much patience and effort to get to. I believe ill get there eventually.. My so called nirvana so to speak, where trees dance and cherry blossoms bloom everyday of the year. Where the rivers flow into each other and music is playing all around. Too bad this aint the time! This is the time for decisions, for love seeking, for career development and most of all for socializing? haha.. Gosh life feels complicated! Just like those jumbled things posing as words!

~~New ballet shoes~~

2008-06-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Lying awake in her sleep, she controls all that spins in circles in her dreams. As she succumbs herself into her slumber, she pretends the whole world ceases to matter; though she knows she dances with fairytales. She remains that ever graceful ballerina that graces the stage knowing every step as if it were a breath she needed to take. With every soft rehearsed breath, with every preplanned step, she moves.. As though she knew what were to happen, as if she knew what would be next. She knows where she is headed although her audience can do nothing but be amazed. Another twirl, another leap for love, all just part of what she already rehearsed. When will she throw another pair of slippers away? When will she decide to change her stage? Time to breathe in a new tune, time to dance in the moonlight. Time to sing to every new step, time to try a new brand of air.

CaMeRa HaPpY!

2008-06-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

Today wuz a gud gud day! duno y but it jz feels great! hehe.. So wat to do when youre happy, jz home from bein ur make up artist sister's model n have a camera lyin around? haha.. uhuh! CAM WHORE!! haha..

Gosh! i ony like this one cuz i dun look as rojak as usual! i look chinese! haha..

MOJOJOJO!!!

BLUEK!!!

Haha... muax!!

Shadow poets..

2008-06-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

What once was our stolen eclipse in time has now been reduced to simple rhymes. It is true that a poet can live on his words alone but what happens when there is no story to be told? When there is no tale of stolen hearts or simple quests. If there are no more journeys in this book that isnt from the past. Put this poet out of misery and set his soul wild and free. Free from broken shards of glass that pierce this poet's already broken heart. Mend it not one more time for I fear there is no more. No more for this poet to give up, no more for this poet to look past. This poet has lived on his words alone for far too long, the same words that have been arranged in all its wonderful ways over and over again. No more I ask from you, because far beyond this distant hue, you stand there not knowing how many times I twisted this story for you. Im tired now, leave me be. Let this poet out of misery, let her shadow dance with another again for even her shadow has faded away. Leave her not to live on your words alone for there are no more words of yours to bring warmth to this cold. Im tired of living on the same words alone hoping one day your fire burns again, it isnt fair for this poet to have no tale.

toot toot!

2008-06-07T05:36:00.000-07:00

Feelin like such an idiot today. Werk wuz painful, dats wat i get 4 not buyin proper shoes. Sowh, hurm.. Lets see, y do i feel like such an idiot? Simply cuz i keep fallin faster n faster into da deep pit of evrythin dull n lonely. Argh! Though i tink its jz d sleepies talkin. I wish I could just jump off this silly train to nowhere that keeps going round in circles. But owh well! Silly train has such an amazing name u jz gota sit tight n hold on! YEA, LIFE is its name! muahaha! it strikes again! HAHA, well, its dust off my shoulder now. Shaking it all off! muax!

2008-06-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

These r da crazy ppl in my life. Whether its rain or shine in my life they always make my day worth it. MUAX!

This is the last tmrw..

2008-06-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have found what ive been missing and it feels amazing. Im not pushin anythin away to tommorrow again. Im livin for today and this is who I m to be. Im not gonna say that maybe someday I'll change instead I know that even if someday comes, Im still gonna be this way! Im letting go of all hopes for a wonderful tmrw cuz I have an amazing today to make whatever comes my way worth it.. muax muax!!

Painted Butterflies

2008-06-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hurm..all new to this blogging thingie n im all happy today! Lets hope this joy doesnt go away.. Its time to dream of pretty butterflies and coloured rainbows. Skipping with unicorns in enchanted palaces. Time for a new page in my book of tales, its time to let go of tommorrows and live only for now. Time to stop pretendin its gona be okay and let myself breathe once again. No more regrets and no more attempts to make things easy. Im goin on my way to makin the best of evrythin.. MUAXX!!

Shadows in my closet

Endless..

Breaking free

Let me out of this nightmare.. set me free..

~Love~

Beyond a broken bridge..

Done!

Goosebumps..

My own happy ending

At the edge of anywhere today...

Silent screams..

A hopeless dreamer..

Nothing but me..

The eternal view..

Glittered sandcastles..

catching daydreams..

Courage in a time of a distant tomorrow..

Makin it through..

Dreams of gold..

The butterfly..

The muse..

Fly on the wall..

we've got tonight..

Away with these ashes..

angel eyes..

sail away with me..

Lost

A different daydream...

Another crushed hope...

The letter..

A new twilight

let the angels guide you on your lofty path..

Things to cry about...

Sorry for the drama..

faith?

Of Diamond Raindrops & Golden leaves..

when i look at the sky

A passage found from a lost time...

Collide

so the lost girl sings..

Colder and safer

Dreaming my dreams..

A line across the bed..

Devastation

Always and forever..

The legend of bagger vance

My Pre-Christmas Cheer

Dark clouds shrouding me

Not cryin over spilt blood

(!?..!?)

TaDaa!

Glitter

-------

illusion

Scarlet Night

maybes and what ifs

BiTez!

iNtO tHe LiGhT...

quotes

NiCk NiCk'S BiRthDaY!

BuZzZz...

~*~New ballet shoes~*~

CaMeRa HaPpY!

Shadow poets..

toot toot!

This is the last tmrw..

Painted Butterflies

~~New ballet shoes~~